TONDER Chapter 8

Thirty minutes had passed since Dr. Borlan, Florence, and the other nurse had restrained me. I renamed the head nurse Flossie since she reminded me of a younger version of my late Grandmother. Much like her namesake, Flossie possessed a kind, gentle demeanor but had the strength of a woman that had steered a plow for many years. Nurse Flossie’s hands were callused and hard. Her shoulders supported her white uniform as if muscular mantles; squared at the corners and rigid. Her face took me back to Grandma’s front yard where I stole a moment of wisdom with each visit.


In a blink, I was there. Her wild flowers were in full bloom and the air was heavy with the scent of rose pedals. Monarch butterflies circled the air above my head as I sat on the cold dirt in the shade of her old oak tree taking in the stories and words of wisdom she handed my soul from the comfort of her green lawn glider. I could clearly visualize her drooping facial features while she squinted through her horn rimmed glasses; her single lower tooth connecting with her upper gum that made a salivated smacking sound as she spoke. The skin of her forearm clung helplessly to the bone beneath it as it fought against the gravity that commanded it, swinging slightly as she pushed a strand of white hair back to its place behind her oversized ear. She spoke in a manner fitting to her upbringing and native to the area with much slang and improper grammar. On this day she spoke of things to come and of knowledge of the past which was inconsequential to my thirteen year old mind-set. Her whisper of a voice, lowered by age, detailed much about life and lessons learned.
 

“Sutter! You see that butterfly yonder among the Brown Eyed Suzies? Looks like she’s lost don’t it? That there creature is a work of God, just like them Suzies are and neither one don’t give no never-mind to the other being there. Them Suzies keep a growing and them butterflies keep a flying until they find one another and between the two they live. God above made ‘em that way and that’s the way they live till they die and they will die. But you know that butterfly don’t jus’ need the Suzies. It jumps from Iris’ to Roses to Lillies keepin’ em all alive and beautiful till the time comes when they all die and that butterfly dies too. But the whole time they’re alive they’re doin’ jus’ what they’re supposed to do by helpin’ each other live as beautiful as they can till they gotta stop. But you won’t ever see that butterfly jus’ sittin’ round doin’ nothin’. He’s always a’movin’ an workin’ doin’ what God wants him to do. Jus’ like you an me, we gotta keep touchin’ them flowers and makin’ em grow till God tells us we’re done.”

“Grandma, you know the other day I caught a butterfly and the color came right off of his wings in my hand like dust. I wiped all that dust off of his wings and turned him loose but he wouldn’t fly away. I felt bad ‘cause he wasn’t hurting me; I just caught it off of a flower and ruined it.” 

“People are the same way, Sutter. Some jus’ wanna rub the color right off of other people’s wings and leave em to fend for themselves, not carin’ at all what happens to em after that. Some people wanna touch other’s hearts and leave em feelin’ good about life and themselves. You gotta live unselfishly and touch people without askin’ for anything back. You can be happy livin’ either way but happiness is a result and not a goal. You want to be fulfilled in your heart. If yer happy hurtin people than yer only satisfied and foolin’ yourself cause you ain’t foolin’ the good Lord. He sees ya an he knows. Don’t think he don’t keep track either cause you do bad an he’s gonna remind ya of that come judgment day.”

My mind settled back into the confines of the hospital bed while I lay in that room remembering the summer day with Grandma. The picture faded from my mind as if a ring of smoke around a halogen bulb seemingly drawn to its heat but never touching the outside. My eyes strolled around the room taking in as much of my surroundings as I could due to my wrist and ankle restraints. The clock ticked and taunted as the seconds meandered as the only sounds in the room except for the steady hum of the air conditioning unit. 

Dr. Borlan’s face repeated again and again through my mind causing me to feel restless. I began to wonder how many were marked with this evil sign; with the blackened sockets, and who among my friends and family possessed the markings. A burning in my stomach began to form a bile-like taste in my throat and I felt as I would vomit uncontrollably with the next thought that presented itself. I became sickened at the thought of my wife and son being marked. I had to know if I could live with the knowledge as my heart raced with fear and anticipation. I reached hastily for the nurse’s buzzer but could not reach due to my restraint bracelets. The sourness of my stomach intensified.

“Nurse! Nurse!”

Footsteps rushed closer resembling the shoed hooves of a Clydesdale scurrying to my beckoning as the reverb of my shouting echoed down the hall. The door was cast open and stood ajar revealing the hallway beyond my room. The footsteps halted with a sudden clack a few feet within the doorway controlled by the narrow legs of Flossie. Her face wore a look of worry and concern as she wrenched her aged hands in front of her as if trying to remove the darkened spots of time as she scolded.

“Mr. Abel, there is really no need for shouting in this hospital.”

“I need you to turn on the television!”

“Mr. Abel I think that you should rest you really…”

“Please just turn on the T.V. for me right now!”

“I don’t see where shouting at me is going to help you…”

“Please. If you turn on the television I believe that I could relax much better. Won’t you, please?”

“Mr. Abel, I will do this for you but you have to promise to calm down. If you would just relax I am sure that you would feel much better and recover much faster.”

Flossie continued to speak in a low tone as if complaining while she moved toward the television above her head. With a snap she pulled the volume button out releasing sound from the darkened box above and a whisp of static electricity raced across the black screen sending crackling ions to its four corners before dissipating. The sound of a news reporter entered my ears as I anticipated the view from the warming screen. Slowly the colors filled the pallet of the picture tube and motion could be detected behind the fleeting wall of black. I sat up as well as the arm and leg restraints would allow, sending my shoulders forward in what must have appeared to be a caged animal leaning against the weight of a chain in anticipation of food. As the picture developed into full color I laid back against my pillow once again presumably defeated.

“Please change the channels slowly, Flossie…I mean, nurse, until I ask you to stop.”

“Well, there are pretty much just soap operas and news on at this time of the day. That is unless you like old movies! AMC has a Gregory Peck marathon on all day and I believe that they are showing The Yearling right now! I always loved that man and he could act any way that they wanted him too! I remember…”

“Please. Just run through the channels one time for me if you don’t mind.”

“Well, o.k., Mr. Abel I will, I will.”

Flossie continued through the channels one after the other pausing briefly on each one and then peering over her shoulder at me as if searching for acceptance. With each channel she moved through, the stronger the confirmation became that I could not deny. News casters, actors, athletes, hosts, and people of all ages were marked with the steely blackness of evil that the mysterious creature in my mind spoke of reflected in their eyes. They mingled within those that were not marked and neither the other knew differently. Each channel taught me further that evil was indeed real and living among the perpetually good. I could not panic nor scream in horror. I could not familiarize myself with words or a reaction to the ravaged individuals before me. This was a gift to me so that I could see but not do. This was a curse. As the shifting of channels carried out, my eyes tired in sadness and I was compelled to close them slowly and sit quietly not noticing that Flossie was speaking to me over her shoulder while still holding onto the television.

“Mr. Abel? Do you see something that you may want to watch? Mr. Abel?”

“Thank you, nurse, I have changed my mind. Sorry to bother you.”

“You should rest then. I will be back to check on you in a few minutes.”

Upon exiting my room, Flossie breathed a gasp of air out of her lungs as if relieved to be removed from my demands. I fought with the notion of living out the rest of my life knowing that my family was marked. I could not let them live in that world of suffering as I knew that anytime they may be called to fight for evil. The notion of insanity again appealed to my subconscious but was pushed back for a reason that I could not explain. Perhaps it was the easy way out for me and my mother had complained for years that I attempted nothing easy in my life. Again footsteps echoed closer to my room through the exposed hallway leading to my door. This time there appeared two sets of footsteps; one seemingly a woman’s high heels and the second much faster and shorter. A familiar voice billowed into my room of my son Doyle. The time had come to face what has proved to be my greatest fear. I wished to be taken back to that treacherous day in the clearing so that I could face the beast of Hell again and again instead of the anticipation what awaited beyond my door. 

Louder the footsteps sang their clacking of heels and squeaking of tiny sneakers in harmony with the joyous laughter that was unmistakably my wife and son. Around the corner they came as subtlety as a steel-clad elephant with balloons in hand and flowers. I had no more time for preparation as my moment had come. My wife gazed into my eyes lovingly and placed her palm upon my cheek and the familiar fragrance tickled my nostrils as morning dew beneath my feet. Her eyes; her beautiful eyes were as green as the coastal waters and as lovely as a sunrise in spring. My son leapt onto my lap and also his eyes were as beautiful as ever. My family was safe and my fear subsided as the blood once again returned to my arms. My sanity grasped onto reality more firmly giving way to a sigh of relief. 

“Daddy, Daddy! Why are you tied down?”

“Sutter, honey we missed you. It is good to have you back, I love you so much!”

The kisses and hugs confirmed that I was ready to go home. If they would just untie me we could all walk out together, lock ourselves in our home, and shun the world forever; forgetting good and evil.

“Son, I guess I got a little excited and the doctors had to keep me here somehow. I just wanted to see you guys so bad!”

“Sutter, what did the doctors say?”

Lynn began loosening my leather restraints from my wrists until finally freeing my limbs so that I could hug my family properly and the hugs seemed to last an eternity; an eternity where I wanted to lose myself.

“Dr. Borlan stopped in but we haven’t had any time to talk. I got a little out of my head during his visit and he’s supposed to come back soon. What day is this?”

“It’s Thursday. You had a seizure of some sort getting into your truck on Monday morning and you blacked out. Dr. Borlan said that you must have hit your head pretty hard when you fell. You fell into a pretty deep sleep and wouldn’t respond to anything. I thought we were losing you…”

Lynn’s head fell against my shoulder as she wept silently; her tears absorbing into the hospital gown and spilling warmly onto my chest. I embraced her tightly and began to cry as I reached out and pulled Doyle closely against his mother.

“I am so glad that you guys are alright.”

“You are the one that we were worried about. I just knew that you weren’t going to wake up and Doyle and I would be alone without you…”

“I am fine. As a matter of fact I feel stronger than before. Something happened while I was out, Lynn, something miraculous. You would think I was completely insane if I tried to explain it, but just know this; I am a different man. I am awake and renewed. You and Doyle will always be safe and I will see to it. So help me Lynn, I will protect you two.”

Lynn’s sobbing intensified as her body began pulsing in harmony with her tears while my heart became swollen with love for her and Doyle. I held the two silently as our embrace seemed to replace the time lost from Monday morning. I whispered into her ear through my own tears of relief and joy, assuring her of what I knew I could not promise.

“You will always be safe. Always.”