TONDER Chapter 10

For two days, the examinations continued in what would appear the usual procedure for a patient of this hospital, except for the appearances of the staff and patients. At one time I counted the number of those marked with black eyes until those numbers reached a level too great for me to keep accurate count. I didn’t believe that I would grow accustomed to the appearances and didn’t believe that I had, but I certainly became less shocked at the appearances than my first initial exposure as my mingling among them became more frequent. Their appearances had become tolerable. During our moments of interaction, the blackened smoke that hung over their heads would engulf my body, circulating and dancing as if joyful. I assumed that the smoke-like apparitions were casting no apparent threat to me during a recent physical examination given to me by Dr. Borlan. During our contact, my body would become fully immersed but I never felt any physical threat from them; I felt nothing. It seemed to wander around my body as if seeking or perhaps basking in my positive air; possibly longing for something of their past. I learned to relax, observe, and play the spectator on this seemingly neutral playground of my being. 

I awoke on Saturday morning with the air of anticipation that I would be released and begin my adjustment to this new life. I had witnessed those familiar black, marbled eyes every day since the awakening and had discerned slight differences in those marked from those that were not. I assumed that there must be a hierarchy of those marked as the evidence of evil seemed prominent in some. It seemed that those with more definitive marking also possessed a less comforting demeanor; perhaps one of suffering or hate toward those around them. I still could not dissimulate those that were freshly marked from those marked for lengths of time however it seemed that the more extreme tags were left upon those of greater power. Perhaps those more influential had brought more evil within their lives in their journey to rise above the norms of day to day living. Dr. Borlan, one of the more prominently marked, entered my room to find me packing away personal belongings and gathering gifts of balloons and flowers in preparation for my discharge. By now I had grown accustomed to his appearance and had developed a sense of pity toward him and his sorrowful condition. I could not deny feeling somewhat threatened and angered by my intimidated thoughts. I felt this especially when he spoke. 

“Mr. Abel, I see that you are ready to leave?” 

“You’re right, Doc, I am ready to get home to my family. They should be here in a few minutes to pick me up.” 

“I should tell you that I would like to see you take it easy for a while. Even though we found nothing to justify your seizure, you have still suffered a pretty good blow to the head from your fall. Just take a few weeks off from work and schedule an appointment with your family doctor and have him take a look at you. I think that you are going to be just fine but I was a little worried for you, I mean if you could see yourself through my eyes you would have been pretty concerned.” 

A long stream of sarcasm dripped from my voice. 

“I’m sure that I would see things differently though your eyes; I’m sure of that.” 

“Well, Mr. Abel, take care of yourself and I hope that things go well for you. Please call me if you need anything. 

Dr. Borlan extended his open palm to shake my hand, and as I grasped it firmly the thick, black smoke again gleefully extended from his eye sockets and encircled my head, surrounding me completely while blocking my view of his treacherous face. As we parted hands, the smoke receded to their blackened nests making him once again visible for me to witness his smiling face amidst the array of evil. He turned and left the room leaving me alone in my thoughts to await the arrival of Lynn and Doyle. I felt excited to return home with them in time for our weekend. 

As I packed my socks into the duffle bag that Lynn had brought to me I heard the familiar shuffle of a child’s sneakers in the hallway accompanied by the pleasant clacking of high heel shoes. The high pitched greeting from my son caused me to turn abruptly to greet them in the doorway. 

“Daddy!” 

“Hello Doyle! Daddy has missed you!” 

Then, the sweet tone of Lynn’s soft, throaty question followed our greeting; her eye’s never parting from me and peering upward as she lowered her lips to Doyle’s ear. 

“Doyle, ask Daddy if he’s ready to go home.” 

“You don’t have to ask, Son,  Daddy’s more than ready!” 

I gathered my son into my arms as my wife followed closely beside me carrying balloons, flowers and assorted cards from well-wishers and family. We journeyed through the halls of the hospital, down the elevator, and past the hollowed eyes of the elderly lady stationed to greet those entering the hospital. One final look behind me into her steely, shadowed eyes and we continued out of the doors and on to our waiting car. As I seated myself into the front seat the black interior had seemed to absorb all of the heat of the morning sun and expelled it into my face as I positioned myself to kiss my wife upon her cheek. 

We drove home without speaking much of my hospital stay and most of the afternoon was kept relaxed and light hearted. I found myself uninterested in television as it seemed most of the persons on the screen were hideous to me. Only cartoons provided a replacement to headline news which proved a joy to my son and a mystery to my wife. The most challenging adjustment seemed to be dealing with the revealing photographs throughout our home and the truth that they displayed within their elegant frames. I discovered a number of friends that appeared marked as well as many of those who had passed before me. A certain relief laid in the knowledge that my father was not marked as I suspected he would not be. 

Lynn approached me from behind to find a tarnished silver frame cradled in my hands, encasing a faded picture of my mother and me. The photo always exemplified a carefree memory for me as it depicted a young boy of three years old seated in a faded red kiddie car. On the back of the car was a sticker that read STP which I clearly remember placing on the back for decoration. My bare feet were soiled from playing in the dirt where a garage was later erected and the child dressed in nothing more than plaid shorts. In those days I remember an abundance of dirt and sand in the areas where the grass did not grow. In the foreground stood my mother dressed in black stretch pants that lowered just even with her calf and a yellow sweat shirt that displayed United States Marine Corp; a remnant from my father’s days of basic training. The style of her hair long since past, but it was not the style or the memories but the curse upon this aged photograph that forced the tears from my eyes. Her once brown eyes of her Spanish heritage could not been seen any longer as they had been replaced by the cursed blackness and the marbled glaze of evilness. Her smile beneath her small rounded nose appeared unchanged as the rest of the photo did except for the cursed, clouded eyes. My stomach weakened at the sight of the picture as my memories tarnished like the frame surrounding it. I sat in silence sobbing to myself until Lynn’s soft hand laid upon my shoulder awakening me from the despair. 

“Sutter, are you o.k.?” 

“You know, I thought that I would be, but I feel like I am going insane. A person lives his life as clean and pure as he is taught, and for what? What is the reason for any of this?” 

“I think that you should put the pictures away and come outside with me and Doyle. He’s built a tent in the back yard and is wondering if you are going to play.” 

“Lynn, I don’t know if I can do it. I don’t know if I am strong enough to deal with all of this junk. I mean, if I were blind, maybe I would feel less pain?” 

“Sutter you are not making any sense. Maybe you should lie down and take a nap. This whole day of coming home may be a little too much for one day.” 

“It’s not that. Listen, if you woke up tomorrow and found out that I was disfigured and you could not look at me in the face, would you still feel the same? What if everyone that you looked at was ugly and grotesque, could you live in a world like that?” 

Lynn moved in closer placing her arms around my shoulders and settled a light kiss upon my ear. The smell of her body captured me immediately, reviving my recently lost sense of hope. 

“Sutter Abel, I love you. I don’t care what you look like or what kind of world that we’ve got to live in as long as we are living it together. If that is the way that you see me or see the world now, just know that I am the same woman that you married and I will stand beside you no matter what.” 

“Thank you. Be patient with me. I’ve got a lot of things to sort out and I will need you to be strong when I cannot. I am sorry for acting a fool lately. Maybe I will take that nap.”

I kissed her gently on her satin lips and embraced her tightly, pulling her feather soft body into mine. We stood motionless for a brief moment until Doyle summoned from the backyard that his castle was complete. The image from the picture haunted me down the hall and to my room where I found my bed awaiting me. Images of my father, in all of his strength, appeared in my mind along with questions of how he loved my mother if he could indeed see as I do. As if exhausted from running, my lungs ached for rest and my temples throbbed as blood pulsed to them. I lay across the bed and fell into a deep sleep; a sleep that you feel when you have been awake for days. The images continued to pass in and out of my head until at long last I was able to rest peacefully.

TONDER Chapter 9

Dr. Borlan entered the hospital room to find my wife and son clinging to my unrestrained body as we embraced, wept, and desperately tried to push away lost time from our family. I noticed him from the corner of my eye standing as a monument and blocking the light that escaped around the frame of his six foot five inch physique illuminating from the hallway beyond the door. I knew that he was a man like any other, but he was marked with this grotesqueness that made it difficult to look at him directly. Perhaps he would be a force to reckon with in the final battle. Maybe he would be a leader of the damned; tall and imposing on the battlefield; an intimidating Goliath. He forced a smile and appeared impatient as he maneuvered towards us and interrupting our family reunion with a lowered voice.

“I see that you are feeling better, Mr. Abel.”

“I feel fine. This is my wife Lynn and my son Doyle.”

“Yes, we’ve met and have talked several times in the past few days.  

Dr. Borlan’s blackened eyelets peered pointed toward my wife and son as his smile grew increasingly large. He concealed a clipboard of papers under his right arm which he shifted under the opposite arm as he extended his hand to Lynn. As she grasped his hand to greet him, the blackness protruded from his eye sockets in a dust of smoke encircling my wife’s head as an evil halo; dancing and searching for an entrance. Lynn continued to shake the doctor’s hand as he expressed his gratitude in her cooperation during my trial of trauma as the halo grew larger and eventually surrounded her shoulders, still searching. Lynn stood smiling as if mesmerized by Dr. Borlan. I reached forward and broke the clasp between the two and the evil retreated back to the stagnant sockets, leaving my wife’s aura again clean and undisturbed. Both Lynn and the doctor gazed at me surprisingly in response to my presumed rudeness. Dr. Borlan spoke as Lynn lowered her head while clearing her throat as if she were seventeen and just asked to prom. Dr. Borlan turned his attention to my son. 

“Hello Doyle. Have you been good while your daddy’s been sleeping?” 

Dr. Borlan extended his hand to Doyle’s shoulder as he rested, cradled on my lap with his head against my chest. As the doctor reached I re-coiled Doyle closer into my arms, stopping the beasts approach to him. Again the doctor peered at me confused and disappointed while Lynn folded her arms and widened her eyes toward me in surprise. Dr. Borlan continued speaking as he removed his metallic clipboard from under his arm, opened it, and began rearranging the documents, disappointed and bothered. 

“Mr. Abel, you were brought to my hospital on Monday with severe head trauma resulting from a seizure suffered in your driveway. You have been comatose for seventy-eight hours while under my care. We have monitored your vitals and found your heart rate excessive from the moment that you entered our care until just this morning at 9:37 a.m. We are not sure what has brought on this seizure as everything appears normal. Has anything happened like this before?” 

“Nothing, I’ve been healthy as a horse all of my life.” 

“What is the last thing that you can remember before the incident?” 

I searched in my mind for something normal, but there had not been many normal thoughts in the last few weeks. I dared not tell him of the visions, the pain, nor the gift for fear that I would be held longer in their hospital, maybe even certified as a Grade A woack-o. I searched for a lie that would appease his questions so that we could move forward and continue me on my way to leaving the building. I fabricated a partial truth. 

“The last thing that I remember was kissing my wife goodbye before leaving for work. After that everything turned black.” 

“Mr. Abel we are going to run some more tests on you and keep you for a few more days until we are sure that you are alright. In the meantime I recommend that you rest and try not to get out of bed until you get some solid food and your strength returns. I will be checking in on you often and I ask for your cooperation while we check you out.” 

I accepted the doctor’s terms as we spoke for a few minutes more about my condition. The rest of the conversation laid upon deaf ears as I could not focus due to the distraction of his rotted eyes within their decomposing sockets as they peered at me during our casual conversation. I seated my son in the wooden chair beside my bed, well out of reach from Dr. Borlan. Occasionally he would stand and direct his attention to questions posed by my wife who had taken a position beside him while the clouds of blackness would emerge from his sockets when their arms would brush. I wanted to turn the restraints to the doctor.

“…and if that turns out o.k. you should be out of here and back to work in no time. For now I am asking that you not return to work for at least a few weeks, Mr. Abel.  

Dr Borlan turned quickly and made his way out of the open door of the hospital room while returning the clipboard of papers to rest under the arm of his white coat. As I watched him leave, I felt a pouring of relief through my veins and the air seemed lighter as if an infection had subsided from our company. Lynn and Doyle, oblivious to the atrocity, began filling me in on the details of the lost days. I listened intently with only a portion of my attention as I would become distracted by the creatures silently passing by my door, wandering terribly in their sickened states. If they knew of the evil that had maked them they might return to their homes to die of their humanly afflictions instead of facing the hell awaiting them. If they knew how their actions on this earth made them vulnerable to reactions of evil, perhaps they would have chosen a different life. My mind was brought back by Doyle’s small voice.  

“Daddy? Did you hear what I said?” 

“I’m sorry, Doyle, Daddy was a little distracted for a minute.” 

“I said if you get back home by Friday night we could catch lightning bugs in the backyard like we did the other night. Remember? We put em in a jar and then turned em free all at once!” 

“I remember, Son, and yes will definitely do that on Friday night. I wouldn’t miss it for anything!” 

“Maybe Mommy can play too?” 

Lynn’s reaction seemed stoic and hindered. 

“I would like that Doyle, but for now why don’t you wait outside of Daddy’s room while I talk to him for a minute, o.k.? 

I panicked and lunged forward. 

“No! Lynn don’t you let him leave your side! Not even for a second! You keep him next to you at all times! Do you hear me?” 

Lynn withdrew back upon her heels as the words exploded from my mouth. A look of anger and confusion replaced the concern and apathy that she held for me a moment earlier. She placed her hands upon Doyle’s shoulders as she guided him toward the hallway reassuring him that it was fine to wait in the chairs beyond the door. Lynn escorted him to the waiting chairs and re-entered the room with a determined look and sternness in her walk. She positioned herself on the side of my bed and looked deeply into my eyes as though searching for a truth. Her frosted lipstick covered the pinkness of her lips and presented a smoothness of ice as her top lip pursed indicating her anger with me. 

“I know that you are recovering from a terrible trauma, but please; if something does not feel right, let’s talk about it.” 

“I feel fine, Lynn. I’m just a different person now. I’ve seen some things while I was out and I am just …different. I can’t completely explain, but things are different.” 

Lynn hesitated and relaxed her shoulders slightly as if succumbing to my explanation. Perhaps she was appeasing me. Maybe she felt different too. 

“I suppose I can accept that, but please; if something is bothering you, don’t hide it from the doctor and most of all don’t hide it from me. Remember we are in this life together and I can help you.” 

“Lynn, this life is a lie. If you only knew….” 

Her eyes closed and her eyebrows raised; her voice slightly louder than before. 

“I won’t know anything unless you tell me Sutter. Please just do us a favor and rest. Don’t think too hard about anything; just…rest. I’m taking Doyle over to my sister’s house so he can play for a while…” 

“You can’t let him go over there, Lynn; you don’t know what they are like! They could be mar…” 

“Melissa is my sister and your sister in law, Sutter, you’ve known her and her family for years now! Doyle is going over there to play with Tyler just like he has always done. Please calm down. He will be just fine.” 

“But Lynn, there is evil all around us! I saw it in the doctor’s eyes! He has been marked and he was trying to mark you too! Please don’t let them around Doyle! At least until I am with you to protect you! Please, Lynn!” 

Lynn bowed her head as if she had been defeated as a tear streamed a line down the bridge of her nose. She spoke not a word but instead gently place her open palm onto the back of my hand as it gripped tightly to the hospital bed. Her touch seemed to have lost the familiar warmth that I had always grown accustomed to and found comfort with throughout the years. We called it the electricity between us and it seemed to be a reassurance to two people fearful of losing each other but too afraid to admit that they were clandestine as soul mates. The tear gripped the end of her nose before plummeting to her delicate hand that rested atop mine. 

“I’m going to go now, Sutter. I love you. Please rest…for me and Doyle.” 

“I love you too, Lynn. Please just stay in the house until I am home. Don’t touch anyone! Please Lynn!”

She turned her body away from me and rose to exit the room. The fabric of her skirt made a familiar rustling sound as it slid against her nylon hose beneath giving me a longing to go home even more. As I watched her leave I tried to understand what I had just done. I wished that I could unsay the words that I had spoken to her and again put on the mask of a happy man. I felt that I could at least make us a family by catering to their happiness and just be a father instead of this Chaser that I have assumed. I rolled over in my bed and felt a surprise in the realization that I had not laid anywhere but on my back for quit sometime. Sleep approached me and escorted me to a place of peace and solitude; devoid of demons, evil and good and for the first time in days, I relaxed and rested. Dreams did not find me; only darkened rest. Perhaps Tonder had rewarded me with rest, but at what expense? I wondered if I was being prepared for another step in my journey as my eyes twittered back and forth in deep sleep. I wanted this sleep and embraced it lovingly as a dog would nuzzle her pup. I slept soundly and serenely in anticipation of what may await me.

TONDER Chapter 8

Thirty minutes had passed since Dr. Borlan, Florence, and the other nurse had restrained me. I renamed the head nurse Flossie since she reminded me of a younger version of my late Grandmother. Much like her namesake, Flossie possessed a kind, gentle demeanor but had the strength of a woman that had steered a plow for many years. Nurse Flossie’s hands were callused and hard. Her shoulders supported her white uniform as if muscular mantles; squared at the corners and rigid. Her face took me back to Grandma’s front yard where I stole a moment of wisdom with each visit.


In a blink, I was there. Her wild flowers were in full bloom and the air was heavy with the scent of rose pedals. Monarch butterflies circled the air above my head as I sat on the cold dirt in the shade of her old oak tree taking in the stories and words of wisdom she handed my soul from the comfort of her green lawn glider. I could clearly visualize her drooping facial features while she squinted through her horn rimmed glasses; her single lower tooth connecting with her upper gum that made a salivated smacking sound as she spoke. The skin of her forearm clung helplessly to the bone beneath it as it fought against the gravity that commanded it, swinging slightly as she pushed a strand of white hair back to its place behind her oversized ear. She spoke in a manner fitting to her upbringing and native to the area with much slang and improper grammar. On this day she spoke of things to come and of knowledge of the past which was inconsequential to my thirteen year old mind-set. Her whisper of a voice, lowered by age, detailed much about life and lessons learned.
 

“Sutter! You see that butterfly yonder among the Brown Eyed Suzies? Looks like she’s lost don’t it? That there creature is a work of God, just like them Suzies are and neither one don’t give no never-mind to the other being there. Them Suzies keep a growing and them butterflies keep a flying until they find one another and between the two they live. God above made ‘em that way and that’s the way they live till they die and they will die. But you know that butterfly don’t jus’ need the Suzies. It jumps from Iris’ to Roses to Lillies keepin’ em all alive and beautiful till the time comes when they all die and that butterfly dies too. But the whole time they’re alive they’re doin’ jus’ what they’re supposed to do by helpin’ each other live as beautiful as they can till they gotta stop. But you won’t ever see that butterfly jus’ sittin’ round doin’ nothin’. He’s always a’movin’ an workin’ doin’ what God wants him to do. Jus’ like you an me, we gotta keep touchin’ them flowers and makin’ em grow till God tells us we’re done.”

“Grandma, you know the other day I caught a butterfly and the color came right off of his wings in my hand like dust. I wiped all that dust off of his wings and turned him loose but he wouldn’t fly away. I felt bad ‘cause he wasn’t hurting me; I just caught it off of a flower and ruined it.” 

“People are the same way, Sutter. Some jus’ wanna rub the color right off of other people’s wings and leave em to fend for themselves, not carin’ at all what happens to em after that. Some people wanna touch other’s hearts and leave em feelin’ good about life and themselves. You gotta live unselfishly and touch people without askin’ for anything back. You can be happy livin’ either way but happiness is a result and not a goal. You want to be fulfilled in your heart. If yer happy hurtin people than yer only satisfied and foolin’ yourself cause you ain’t foolin’ the good Lord. He sees ya an he knows. Don’t think he don’t keep track either cause you do bad an he’s gonna remind ya of that come judgment day.”

My mind settled back into the confines of the hospital bed while I lay in that room remembering the summer day with Grandma. The picture faded from my mind as if a ring of smoke around a halogen bulb seemingly drawn to its heat but never touching the outside. My eyes strolled around the room taking in as much of my surroundings as I could due to my wrist and ankle restraints. The clock ticked and taunted as the seconds meandered as the only sounds in the room except for the steady hum of the air conditioning unit. 

Dr. Borlan’s face repeated again and again through my mind causing me to feel restless. I began to wonder how many were marked with this evil sign; with the blackened sockets, and who among my friends and family possessed the markings. A burning in my stomach began to form a bile-like taste in my throat and I felt as I would vomit uncontrollably with the next thought that presented itself. I became sickened at the thought of my wife and son being marked. I had to know if I could live with the knowledge as my heart raced with fear and anticipation. I reached hastily for the nurse’s buzzer but could not reach due to my restraint bracelets. The sourness of my stomach intensified.

“Nurse! Nurse!”

Footsteps rushed closer resembling the shoed hooves of a Clydesdale scurrying to my beckoning as the reverb of my shouting echoed down the hall. The door was cast open and stood ajar revealing the hallway beyond my room. The footsteps halted with a sudden clack a few feet within the doorway controlled by the narrow legs of Flossie. Her face wore a look of worry and concern as she wrenched her aged hands in front of her as if trying to remove the darkened spots of time as she scolded.

“Mr. Abel, there is really no need for shouting in this hospital.”

“I need you to turn on the television!”

“Mr. Abel I think that you should rest you really…”

“Please just turn on the T.V. for me right now!”

“I don’t see where shouting at me is going to help you…”

“Please. If you turn on the television I believe that I could relax much better. Won’t you, please?”

“Mr. Abel, I will do this for you but you have to promise to calm down. If you would just relax I am sure that you would feel much better and recover much faster.”

Flossie continued to speak in a low tone as if complaining while she moved toward the television above her head. With a snap she pulled the volume button out releasing sound from the darkened box above and a whisp of static electricity raced across the black screen sending crackling ions to its four corners before dissipating. The sound of a news reporter entered my ears as I anticipated the view from the warming screen. Slowly the colors filled the pallet of the picture tube and motion could be detected behind the fleeting wall of black. I sat up as well as the arm and leg restraints would allow, sending my shoulders forward in what must have appeared to be a caged animal leaning against the weight of a chain in anticipation of food. As the picture developed into full color I laid back against my pillow once again presumably defeated.

“Please change the channels slowly, Flossie…I mean, nurse, until I ask you to stop.”

“Well, there are pretty much just soap operas and news on at this time of the day. That is unless you like old movies! AMC has a Gregory Peck marathon on all day and I believe that they are showing The Yearling right now! I always loved that man and he could act any way that they wanted him too! I remember…”

“Please. Just run through the channels one time for me if you don’t mind.”

“Well, o.k., Mr. Abel I will, I will.”

Flossie continued through the channels one after the other pausing briefly on each one and then peering over her shoulder at me as if searching for acceptance. With each channel she moved through, the stronger the confirmation became that I could not deny. News casters, actors, athletes, hosts, and people of all ages were marked with the steely blackness of evil that the mysterious creature in my mind spoke of reflected in their eyes. They mingled within those that were not marked and neither the other knew differently. Each channel taught me further that evil was indeed real and living among the perpetually good. I could not panic nor scream in horror. I could not familiarize myself with words or a reaction to the ravaged individuals before me. This was a gift to me so that I could see but not do. This was a curse. As the shifting of channels carried out, my eyes tired in sadness and I was compelled to close them slowly and sit quietly not noticing that Flossie was speaking to me over her shoulder while still holding onto the television.

“Mr. Abel? Do you see something that you may want to watch? Mr. Abel?”

“Thank you, nurse, I have changed my mind. Sorry to bother you.”

“You should rest then. I will be back to check on you in a few minutes.”

Upon exiting my room, Flossie breathed a gasp of air out of her lungs as if relieved to be removed from my demands. I fought with the notion of living out the rest of my life knowing that my family was marked. I could not let them live in that world of suffering as I knew that anytime they may be called to fight for evil. The notion of insanity again appealed to my subconscious but was pushed back for a reason that I could not explain. Perhaps it was the easy way out for me and my mother had complained for years that I attempted nothing easy in my life. Again footsteps echoed closer to my room through the exposed hallway leading to my door. This time there appeared two sets of footsteps; one seemingly a woman’s high heels and the second much faster and shorter. A familiar voice billowed into my room of my son Doyle. The time had come to face what has proved to be my greatest fear. I wished to be taken back to that treacherous day in the clearing so that I could face the beast of Hell again and again instead of the anticipation what awaited beyond my door. 

Louder the footsteps sang their clacking of heels and squeaking of tiny sneakers in harmony with the joyous laughter that was unmistakably my wife and son. Around the corner they came as subtlety as a steel-clad elephant with balloons in hand and flowers. I had no more time for preparation as my moment had come. My wife gazed into my eyes lovingly and placed her palm upon my cheek and the familiar fragrance tickled my nostrils as morning dew beneath my feet. Her eyes; her beautiful eyes were as green as the coastal waters and as lovely as a sunrise in spring. My son leapt onto my lap and also his eyes were as beautiful as ever. My family was safe and my fear subsided as the blood once again returned to my arms. My sanity grasped onto reality more firmly giving way to a sigh of relief. 

“Daddy, Daddy! Why are you tied down?”

“Sutter, honey we missed you. It is good to have you back, I love you so much!”

The kisses and hugs confirmed that I was ready to go home. If they would just untie me we could all walk out together, lock ourselves in our home, and shun the world forever; forgetting good and evil.

“Son, I guess I got a little excited and the doctors had to keep me here somehow. I just wanted to see you guys so bad!”

“Sutter, what did the doctors say?”

Lynn began loosening my leather restraints from my wrists until finally freeing my limbs so that I could hug my family properly and the hugs seemed to last an eternity; an eternity where I wanted to lose myself.

“Dr. Borlan stopped in but we haven’t had any time to talk. I got a little out of my head during his visit and he’s supposed to come back soon. What day is this?”

“It’s Thursday. You had a seizure of some sort getting into your truck on Monday morning and you blacked out. Dr. Borlan said that you must have hit your head pretty hard when you fell. You fell into a pretty deep sleep and wouldn’t respond to anything. I thought we were losing you…”

Lynn’s head fell against my shoulder as she wept silently; her tears absorbing into the hospital gown and spilling warmly onto my chest. I embraced her tightly and began to cry as I reached out and pulled Doyle closely against his mother.

“I am so glad that you guys are alright.”

“You are the one that we were worried about. I just knew that you weren’t going to wake up and Doyle and I would be alone without you…”

“I am fine. As a matter of fact I feel stronger than before. Something happened while I was out, Lynn, something miraculous. You would think I was completely insane if I tried to explain it, but just know this; I am a different man. I am awake and renewed. You and Doyle will always be safe and I will see to it. So help me Lynn, I will protect you two.”

Lynn’s sobbing intensified as her body began pulsing in harmony with her tears while my heart became swollen with love for her and Doyle. I held the two silently as our embrace seemed to replace the time lost from Monday morning. I whispered into her ear through my own tears of relief and joy, assuring her of what I knew I could not promise.

“You will always be safe. Always.”

TONDER Chapter 7

Light cut through the small slits of my eyelids and burned into my retina. Confused, I took in my surroundings although in great effort to see clearly. An intense light burned through the window making it difficult to see, but I could tell that I was not in my bed at home. An uncomfortable feeling was pulsing in my arm and I struggled to focus, but could begin to identify the IV line leading away from my bed. The white sheets that draped my legs gave even more confirmation as did the flowered gown of blue tied around my neck. 


“Sutter?” 

Trying harder to see I raised my flattened palm into a salute to shield the intense sunshine toying with my vision. I could make out the outline of a long haired person, possibly male with a wiry build. The most outstanding characteristic of the presence there was the sour smell of body odor. My focus sharpened onto the figure, as I knew that I did not recognize the aged, rasping in his voice.

“Sutter? Can ya see me son?” 

“Who the hell are you?” 

The image sharpened as the old man moved within a few feet of the side of my bed. The long white hair and tangled beard framed a haggard face of age and experience set atop the shoulders of a man of at least eighty years old. The weathered face seemed to wrinkle intensely as this caricature displayed several yellowed teeth in his smile.  

“Gave ‘em a scare back thar, you did. I knew right away that things were warmin’ up again after the ole’ she-devil kicked the bucket. I knew it right off! Knew somethin’ had to be happenin’ with ya if ya were still around. Sure enough, here ya be!” 

I felt as though I was dreaming. I recognized the old man and his cartoon features of a prospector, and my mind raced through my memories trying to remember a name. 

“Who are you?” 

“It’s me! ‘Member way back ta tha day that ya got the lektos? I was there! It’s me; Emmett! Bet ya thought I was dead by now didn’t ya?” 

“What? Emmett? Yea, I figured you to be long gone by now, no offense.” 

Emmett kept the over-exaggerated smile upon his face and I feared that the yellowed front teeth may drop out at any time, but wondered if it would even matter to him as he seemed unconcerned for his dental health. He smelled as if he had just returned from rolling in a freshly warmed pile of cow dung, but seemed undaunted by his own aroma. His clothes were as I remembered some fifteen years earlier and I wagered that he had not washed or changed them since that day in the clearing. 

“No ‘fense taken. Look, I gotta make this quick ‘fore them doctors get in here and now that yer good and awake. I ain’t supposed ta be in here; only friends and family and such but you know how it is.” 

“Emmett, what are you doing here?” 

My words weakened and I relaxed back into the cradle of the pillow surrounding my head as my temples throbbed with the racing of my heart. The words formed slowly in my throat and there was an unavoidable rasp as if I had gargled with rocks and barbed wire. My eyes once again closed and now comfortable with the Emmett, I began entertaining the questions of why I was in the hospital and exactly how I came to be in this state. 

“Listen up, Chaser, an listen good. ‘Member that ole demon that you an yer Dad put back in ‘er pen? Well she’s dead an gone now. Dead as can be and she rotted away to the foulest smellin’ ash that you ain’t never smelt. Turnt my stomach sour fer most of tha night, but that ain’t tha issue here. Anyway, I knew that this was pretty strange and I wanted ta tell a Chaser just in case it were somethin’ worth notin an since yer dad passed, well…yer tha only Chaser I know.” 

“Stop calling me a Chaser, I don’t know what you are talking about.” 

“Yer a Chaser jus like yer ole man! Don’t you deny what ya really are! Tonder marked ya long before ya knew it. Yer ole man knew and so did I. Hell you knew it that day up there in the clearing.” 

“Go to hell old man! You don’t know a thing about me!” 

“Oh yea?, I know that lately ya been hearing voices that wake ya up out of a dead sleep! I know that you’ve been talkin’ to somethin’ that ain’t of this wolrd! And I know that it gave ya the gift to see! And that’s why I’m here you ungrateful piss-ant. I know more about you than ya know ‘bout yerself.” 

I sat there amazed at this old man who knew the very things that I was afraid to tell anyone.  I settled back into my bed and tried to regroup my thoughts while my head was spinning wildly as if a grand carousel. Emmett continued to stare into my face, his expression unchanged except for now his smile was replaced by a scowl. I calmed myself and searched for information. 

“What is this gift to see, Emmett?” 

“Sutter, thar’s good an thar’s pure evil out there. In the middle is us. We humans are stuck ‘tween heaven an hell an they’re gettin’ ready ta start a war together. Tonder says that evil preys on people that don’t care, don’t know, or are just marked from birth. Usually if yer marked evil from birth somebody down yer line has done somethin’ bad enough ta damn everyone after em. Don’t see yung-uns marked like that a lot, but it happens. Ya got the gift of site meaning that you can tell who’s marked and who’s not. The ones that are marked don’t know it and never will until the war starts. Now people live and die and after they die they gotta be replaced. It’s gonna take mortals to fight this war and that’s where you Chasers come in. You gotta run down these things that are recruitin’ people and markin’ em and put em in a cage. Jus’ like your Dad did years ago and jus’ like you did.” 

“And just what am I supposed to do when I know that someone is marked?” 

“Nothin’ you can do. Jus gotta keep em from markin’ anybody else. Them poor bastards are doomed to Hell and ya best not meddle. Keep the evil chased down and lock it up.” 

“How am I supposed to know when someone is marked? 

“You’ll know by the eyes, Chaser. Them eyes’ll be all hollowed out an black an you’ll wonder how they see at all. But they’re bein’ lead by evil and they live in that evil every day. They think they are like you and me but they’re damned. Jus’ puttin’ in their time till the day comes.” 

“I don’t know if I want any part of this…..” 

“Ain’t gotta choice. Yer part of it and ya gotta do it. Yer soul’s dependin’ on it. Tonder’s got cha and will give ya the right words and all tha things ta say. Listen to ‘em, Chaser, and yer life will be a whole lot easier. Gotta go; doctor’s gonna wanna check ya out. Be safe Chaser, yer special but yer mortal too.” 

Emmett walked out the hospital room door dragging the shredded and worn out legs of his coveralls beneath his boots with each step. He made no indication of being in a hurry and did not look back to me. The words that he spoke echoed in my ears as again confusion began to take over my thinking. I felt that my sanity was slowly slipping away through the loose grasp of my fingertips. Clearly I had become delusional as this seemed as though a terrible dream from which I could not wake. 

The door to my room swung open and I was greeted by the wide rump of a nurse pulling a tray in front of her. She diligently pulled the tray with great effort trying to evade the already closing door. As she maneuvered strategically through the opening I noticed that she was talking to herself and seemingly cussing under her breath and out of ear-shot. As she backed in closer her rambling became apparent that she was indeed whispering vulgarities to the wobbling cart that carried the tray of bottles and syringes. She turned and faced me in surprise as we subtly made eye contact. 

“Mr. Abel! You’re…you’re back! I mean…you’re awake! I mean…hold on a second!” 

The nurse reached across my bed and hurriedly pushed a button sounding a buzzer in the nurse’s station. Immediately a voice reported from the other end of the intercom and billowing through my hospital room. 

“Yes, Florence?” 

“Janna, send for Doctor Borlan right away. Mr. Abel is conscious!” 

“Right away.” 

Florence placed her open palms onto the sides of my face and stared deeply into my eyes, her nose just inches from mine. The sparkling shades of green surrounding her pupils resembled metal flakes upon a lilied pond. Her stale breathe rebounded from my top lip and settled into my nostrils as she seemed to inspect my face with quick demeanor. While she continued her inspection a second nurse entered into the hospital room and immediately wrapped a corset around my arm as she proceeded to meticulously measure my blood pressure. I felt dizzied by the rush of activity on my behalf.

“Could someone tell me what is going on? Florence, is it? What is going on?” 

“Mr. Abel, I think you should try to relax. The doctor is on his way.” 

Rhythmically the nurses danced around my bed taking blood, shining light into my eyes, and testing my sensitivity. Of all the tests and trials, my patience seemed to be the most volatile. 

“Somebody please tell me what is going on? I am fine, really! Just tell me…” 

“Mr. Abel you have been asleep for a little while and we have been taking care of you. You are in Wilsher Memorial Hospital. O.k., Hun? Now we have called you wife and son and they are on their way to see you. Just bear with us for a little longer and please try to cooperate. We don’t want you getting excited just yet. Let’s save those questions ‘til Dr. Borlan gets here, o.k., Hun?” 

“Listen, you don’t have to talk to me like a three year old, just tell me why I am here! I remember playing ninjas with my son and me and Lynn going to bed Sunday night. I remember getting ready for work…what the hell am I doing here! I wanna know now, dammit!” 

“Mr. Abel! Please cooperate or I will restrain you for your own good! Now do as I say and the Doctor will be here soon. Thank you, Hun.” 

Once again the handle of the door to my room turned slowly as I sat in my bed engulfed by the busy nurses. As the doorway parted to reveal the visitor on the other side, the nurses continued their duties uninterrupted. I leaned forward to see the figure of the man entering dressed in a doctor’s coat and moving quickly. My body froze with fear and my fist clenched into balls of white knuckle and veins. I stared in shock at the vision before me in this hospital room as I fought to tear away from its sight while Florence greeted the hideous abomination casually.

“Dr Borlan! Thank God you made it! Mr. Abel was getting just a little excited!” 

Dr. Borlan quickly made his way into the room invading the space before him as a father rushing to the side of his endangered child. The sight of him was unmistakably human except for the void where his eyes should have rested. Instead there was an eerie blackness of an almost marble quality giving the idea of something optical but still concave and misleading. The creature referred to as Dr. Borlan could not be human. I soaked up its vision of grotesqueness through my own unwilling eyes wishing at this time that I would be struck blind if this is what it is to see. Is this what the creature in my dream gave me as a gift so that I may truly have vision to see? I wanted to reach inside of my mind to the place that dreams await to change anything further from altering my life; to prevent receiving more gifts from those all too willing to give them. 

Frantically, I panicked from the vision of the doctor and began to mount a defense against the onslaught of this hideous beast. Still it persisted, placing its gruesome eyes directly in line with mine as I tried to reach my fist deep inside of the sockets of its face and pluck out the evil within. My arms began flailing haplessly in any direction that I could send them until my fist contacted Florence directly below her left jaw sending her into the air conditioning unit beside my bed. As she landed with a thud she cursed and spit on the ground. I continued my fleeting struggle against the two assailants and the creature as they desperately tried to restrain me. I shouted to the doctor loudly and directly. 

“Beast of Hell, I compel you back from where you came!” 

“Mr. Abel, please try to calm down! You have suffered a traumatic blow to the head and I demand, as your doctor, that you stop this at once!” 

“You are not Tonder! You are evil! Go back to Hell!” 

“Florence, restrain Mr. Abel now!” 

The nurses and the beast manipulated my arms and legs into leather straps and firmly attached them to the railing of my hospital bed. I laid there staring at the empty wondering what my life had become and again pondering my sanity. The leather straps on my wrists and ankles felt heavy against my skin as a dead weight of embarrassment and confusion. 

“Doctor Borlan his family has been notified that he is awake and are on their way. Should we let them see him like this?” 

“Not yet, Florence. We need to keep an eye on him for a while. I will talk to Lynn and let her know what happened. Mr. Abel, please try to relax and I will check back with you in a few to see if you feel a little better.”

The beast’s hideous eyes loomed over me. They seemed to be looking into my soul and seeing the truth that slept dormant inside. A truth that I have not come to terms with nor understood but has waited below the surface, training, waiting, and watching. He turned his head and approached the door whispering with the nurses. From this perspective he appeared human, but I knew the truth behind the lie. I knew that he was marked as Balsavoy said he was. I knew that I could see and I have a gift of sight into the evil of life as we know it. I needed to define my purpose. Lying in the bed with the discolored ceiling tiles staring back at me; with no one to talk to and no words of comfort, I know what I am. I am a Chaser.

TONDER Chapter 6

The alarm clock sounded without warning, cutting through the tranquil silence of my bedroom. As if a Pavlovian dog, I reached outwardly to find the digital readout loudly displaying 6:00 a.m. With one eye partially open I stared down the clock until my eyelid grew heavy; fresh with the weight of sleep. I laid there drifting back into slumber; my hand still gripping the night stand, while my fading thoughts combated the argument of exactly what day of the week it was. Slowly I drifted back into dream state as I forgot about the alarms interruption of my peaceful rest; my arm now hanging from the side of the bed, my pillow still warm and Lynn’s arm across my back. Again it beckoned with a shrill scream announcing 6:08 a.m. and too many seconds past my quickly dissolving weekend. I fumbled with the clock until I found the kill switch and abruptly placed it into the off position. Monday morning had come and my head ached with the thought of returning to the factory. I was not ready to think about an assembly line or the dronish duty of robots welding and bending metal into car parts. I rolled to my back and contemplated a sick day, but my mind unfortunately kept track of such things. No sick days left this year. So, I raised myself in defeat.

“C’mon feet. Let’s get goin’. Gotta make the door frames.”

Lynn stirred only slightly and repositioned herself within the cradle of deeper sleep causing me to feel jealous of her as I sat watching from the edge of the bed. The atmosphere of our room was heavy with the scent of her skin making it even more difficult to begin my preparation for work. I made my way around our bed guided only by the single hint of morning sunlight that had begun its way through the small hole in our window shade. She looked so peaceful and at ease dreaming there on the pillow that nestled her tasseled hair; I could not help but stop and watch her for only a moment. I nuzzled my nose into her flocks of blonde taking in her smell, and I inhaled her perfumed essence. I settled back onto my feet, placed my hand upon her face above her eyes and basked in her radiance wondering what I had done to deserve such a woman.

The morning ritual proceeded with the usual shower and work related preparation which consisted of drying from the shower, getting dressed, and going to work. As I approached my truck I found that my mind was still on the beautiful woman lying asleep in my bed.

As I reached for the rusted door handle of my truck, a feeling of electrical surge coursed through my arm and seized the base of neck seemingly locking the contours of my brain. My hands clenched into fists driving my fingernails into the palm of my hands as blood billowed from the gashes that were plowed deep into them. My body trembled uncontrollably in a seizure forcing me to the cold concrete driveway below as I lay there helplessly. Thoughts fired through my mind as quickly as the pistons of a racecar bringing to surface memories long since forgotten. Breathing was of immeasurable strain as my chest seemed burdened with the weight of a ton of jagged rock. As quickly as the pain began, it subsided and my world turned to darkness. I did not recognize this as the darkness of night but a blackness of dreams; the emptiness of forget. I could feel the space around me as large and dangerous; uncontrollable. I felt as I had the power to walk within this realm but had no knowledge of where to go or how to move; paralyzed within the confine of my own mind. A voice reached around me as an embrace and spoke.

“Chaser, you are awake.”

“What happened to me?”

“You were awakened, Chaser.”

“Where am I and who are you?”

“You have always known me. I have been calling you.”

“Are you…are you Tonder?”

“I have and have been, Chaser. I am the salvation that you seek and the redemption that man desires. I am the maker and the giver of your wants. I am the answerer of your requests. I am he who commands you, Chaser. ”

“Are you…the Devil?”

“Would you fear me less if I told you I was not?”

“I don’t fear you now. As far as I know I am imagining this whole thing. How do you know who I am? Can you see me?”

“I see you Chaser and you will see me. You have not learned how to see fully as you must. To assist you...”

In this complete darkness two fingers brushed across my eyes as lightly as feathers yet the darkness remained. The eerie presence of the room seemed to cave in upon my chest until I felt that my eyes would burst from their sockets. Struggling to breath I felt as if I would suffocate and collapse in this dark and strange place. My eyes begin to tear as if someone were breathing fire across them and my nose spilled mucus across my open mouth. I thought at that very moment that I may rip away from my body and succumb to insanity. The voice reverberated still.

“You will see as I see. You will see all.”

Darkness washed over me. Darker than the already pitch black space that I occupied. So deep that I felt as though my vision had turned inward to my mind leaving hollow sockets where my eyes had once perched. The pain subsided and I struggled to regain my composer while wiping away mucus and blood from my face.

“What have you done to me? What the Hell is happening?”

My questions stood alone; unanswered and unacknowledged. I felt aimlessly in front of me searching for something definite on which I could lay my hands. Even the floor that I supposed to stand upon seemed not to exist, but my feet seemingly found solid ground beneath them with each attempted step. I moved cautiously before jerking to a halt, alarmed by the coming sound.

Distant footsteps could be heard approaching me rhythmically as if a snare drum was stretched to its limit and gently rapped with bone. The steps approached me slowly, steadily; growing louder until an outline introduced itself to the darkness. It was a vague figure cloaked in black and melded to the darkness except for traces of light that lay down across its bald head and downward to its sunken shoulders. Closer it moved until details of its face could be seen as the light from above cast shadows across the lower features of its jaw. It was devoid of color except for the pale blue almost glowing quality of its skin that gave me the thought of a vampire like creature. It suspended with a floating ease and appeared only to move in a forward direction toward me accompanied by the drum-like footsteps that now sounded gated; as a recorded sound played in reverse. It stood before me within a few feet of my face and made no expression but held a monotonous presence of fear. I spoke to it, now frightened and reluctant.

“What are you?”

“The question, Chaser: What are we?”

“We are nothing! I am just a man that has been sucked into some sort of a delusion and you are a figment of it all! I am waking up right now and you don’t exist!”

“As you wish, but know: You will see. You will see and do for me. Do for me Chaser, it is your destiny.”

As it spoke these words a blast was shot through my body and again darkness engulfed me. I felt as though I was falling a great distance and my heart pounded with an increasing rhythm. Once again there was a sudden, immediate quiet. I laid on my back in the blackness. With sensation slowly coming back to my body and the deceiving kiss of pain about me, I was alone and scared as an overwhelming sleep rushed over me as a tidal wave. As I drifted, the creature’s words played over in my ears like a needle upon a scratched record.

“You will see and do for me. Do for me Chaser, it is your destiny. It is your destiny.”